my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
