what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
