Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
