wanna go halves on a baby?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
