you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
