he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
