We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
