you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
