Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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