And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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