I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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