She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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