I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
