If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
