He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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