Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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