I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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