i barfeds in our rink
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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