Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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