i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
