What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
