The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
