um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
