You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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