Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
