i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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