I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
