We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize