i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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