Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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