When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
