my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
