I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
