apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize