And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
