your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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