So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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