four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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