i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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