is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
