i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
