Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize