An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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