What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
