I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
