I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
