Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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