She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
