she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
