I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
