no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
