I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
