I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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