did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
