just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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