fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
