How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
