I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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