I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize