On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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