My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
