this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
