it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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