Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize