Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
