Will you blow on my dice?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
