well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We left the knife in your bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
