beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
