I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
