dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
