Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize