hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
