ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
