So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
