We're facebook friends in real life
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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