It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
