I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
