Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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