I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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