i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
