Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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