I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
