If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
