Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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