dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
