So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
