that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
