im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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