so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
