Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
