Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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