No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
