remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
