There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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