He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
