"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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