No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize